Catch Me if You Can.

My Horses and I play a game about twice a year. It's called "catch me if you can." Being boy horses, they have certain body parts which differentiate them from girl horses. As you can imagine, these body parts become crusty from everyday use. What becomes dirty needs cleaned or else infection sets in. Unfortunately, when owners/groomers attempt to clean the dirt, the crusty member hides in its "horsey-turtleneck." Thus the cleaning situation becomes difficult for the owner; which, in this case, is me.

Crusty cleaning can be performed in a variety of ways: 1. If the horse is a stud, TIE him in a stall next to a mare in heat (and for the sake of your life, don't untie the horse until the mare is gone - he might try to mount you. Think 2000 lb horse v. little human). Horse gets excited. You take wet, soapy cloth and voila. 2. Invite the vet to stop by. He or she gives the beast happy drugs. Horse becomes extremely limp. Take wet, soapy cloth and scrub away. The downside to this, besides expense, is that sometimes the entire horse becomes limp and will fall down. 3. Arm yourself with a wet cloth. Place it your shoulder. Wait for the horse to become relaxed. Sneak in and quick wipe starting at the top. ... I usually choose option number 3.

My two boys treat their special members differently. Midnight is an old horse who was probably gelded when he was a baby. He is pretty shy about his equipment. Usually, once I catch him unaware, he lets me do my thing then retreats into hiding. Cody was castrated after I bought him. He was 7. The poor guy has never gotten over it. He still thinks he is a stallion (... I swear my horses are gay). Consequently, he loves showing off his sword. It's always out except when I'm near his hind-quarters. He probably thinks that since I took away his testes, I'm going to take away his penis too. Instead of one sneak attack, like with Midnight, I have to do 5 or 6 attempts before I'm successful with Cody.

So the large portion of my day today was spent around horse rears with a wet cloth in hand. I think maybe next time, I'll splurge and get a vet. Argh.